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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  August 28, 2014 11:34pm-12:37am EDT

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shouldn't internet speeds match as well? yes. do your socks match? my socks match. do your eyeballs match? yes. cable does not match the speeds. makes you want to go mad. erggggh. only verizon fios comes with speed match. upload speeds as fast as your download speeds. join now at fiosspeedmatch.com. verizon. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." ♪ tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- halle berry chris colfer musical guest, florida georgia line and featuring the legendary
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roots crew. >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you! thank you very much! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] hot crowd right there! hot crowd tonight! welcome! welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. thank you for being here. thank you for watching at home. here is what people are talking about. well, yesterday, our buddy toronto mayor rob ford -- [ laughter ]
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-- attended his first city council meeting since he got back from rehab. yeah, he said, it's great to be back, but man, these things are boring when you're sober. [ laughter ] i used to love these. you looked different before. your head was made of spaghetti. [ laughter ] that's right. rob ford attended his first city council meeting. it got weird when he was like, "hello, toronto city council." and they were like, "this is buffalo, sir, and also, you have to put a shirt on." [ laughter ] a lot of people have been talking about this. there's this guy in ohio who's making news after he raised more than $35,000 on kickstarter so that he could make a potato salad. [ laughter ] $35,000 for a potato salad, or as whole foods put it -- "that sounds about right." [ laughter ] these are organic. these are organic hand-massaged potatoes. [ applause ] did you hear about this? andrew lloyd weber announcing
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he's going to update his musical, "cats." he's going to add a rapping cat. [ laughter ] it sounds like a good idea until a hairball gets in the way. it's like, "everybody say, ho!" >> audience: ho! >> jimmy: say -- [ hacking ] [ cat screaching ] [ cheers and applause ] [ operatic singing ] [ laughter ] some local news here. officials here in new york say the city is on track to have a a record number of tourists this year. [ cheers and applause ] you can tell because even the tourists are like, "ugh, tourists." [ laughter ] are you going to go to the all-star game, dude? >> steve: me? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: yeah, sure. [ laughter ] love it. sports. well, yeah -- >> jimmy: it's baseball. >> steve: baseball, yeah.
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love it. home runs and field goals. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right. close, close. a lot of people are going to be excited about this. because target field in minnesota -- that's where the all-star game is -- they said they're going to have self-serve beer machines at the all-star game. [ cheers and applause ] self-serve beer machines at the all-star game. i mean, big deal. my dad had a self-serving beer machine 30 years ago. it was called jimmy. [ laughter ] "get me a beer!" [ cheers and applause ] "that's right. you, little brat! that's how he drank. >> steve: that's how you do it? >> jimmy: tongue straight out. yeah, yeah. >> steve: toungue straight out. [ drinking noises ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: shotgun it. speaking of sports, the tour de france -- [ laughter ] >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy:[ french accent ] the tour de france -- it kicks off on saturday. >> steve: oh, bonjour. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right, yeah. it is the most heart-stopping, nervewracking cycling event of
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the year, aside from riding a a citi bike here in new york. but besides that, it's really exciting. [ cheers and applause ] don't learn how to ride a bike in new york city. of course, the big sports story right now is the world cup. everyone is talking about that. america's kind of into it, yeah? [ laughter ] brazil faced off against germany today. we've got argentina playing the netherlands tomorrow, which means soon we will just have two teams left. incidentally, we're also down to just two people who understand how to keep time in a soccer game. [ laughter and applause ] "all right, five more minutes? no, nope, it's over. now, it's over. now, wait. the clock -- running backwards of course because there's a a penalty, so that's an extra -- nope. then, we add thirty minutes and yeah, no. we're going to subtract 10 because now -- well, the game technically did not happen." [ laughter and applause ] how does that -- i don't understand what -- should i go? do i watch more? this is hard to believe, but nasa is planning to give smartphones to robots on the international space station, so
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that they can send information back to earth. and also because the robots have been badgering them ever since they turned 15. [ laughter ] [ robotic voice ] "but all my friends already have them. you are the worst. i hate you. you're not me real creator." [ laughter and applause ] "you are so embarrassing. ew." [ laughter ] speaking of smartphones, did you guys hear that emoji recently announced that 250 new emojis will be added this month. [ cheers and applause ] they haven't been released yet, but we were able to get our hands on at least one of them. take a look at this. it's the emoji of a guy walking into a lamp post because he's too busy texting. very interesting. [ applause ] this can't be good here. scientists at the university of wisconsin are facing criticism for creating a version of the 1918 spanish flu virus that
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wiped out millions. yeah. they said that it's perfectly safe, we just keep it sealed in this test tube and -- [ glass shatters ] [ laughter ] [ woody allen voice ] we should all start, you know, running for our lives at this point. [ laughter and applause ] woody allen, john travolta. very rare impressions -- woody allen, john travolta. >> steve: yeah, john and allen. >> jimmy: that's john allen. [ john travolta impression ] sandy's very interesting, you know? summer lovin, you know, i'm having a blast. having a blast, of course. [ cheers and applause ] terrible impression. a little bad news for the movie studios. i saw that this year's box office revenue is down 20% from last summer. [ audience ohs ] i'm not sure why that is, but i bet you there's a documentary on netflix about it. when i get around to it. [ laughter and applause ]
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i got this. i saw this video online today. i don't know if you saw this. it's pretty funny. this weekend, a woman was -- she was out in her backyard on a porch just filming a a thunderstorm, and just, well. check out what happened. >> i can never catch the lightning, only the thunder. [ lightning crack ] never mind! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: "i can never get -- never mind." right after that she looked at her daughter and she said, "mom?" and her daughter was like, "jessica"? "freaky friday!" [ laughter and applause ] and finally, this is actually pretty cool. i saw that when obama visits colorado and texas this week, he's taking some time to meet with people who have written him letters. well, the people in texas wrote letters. in colorado, they just wrote, "wazzup" on a white castle
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napkin. [ laughter ] we have a great show. give it up for the roots, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey we got a fun show tonight! and we have a big week of shows coming up. tomorrow night, kelly ripa will be here. i love kelly ripa. we're going to play a new game called "pop quiz." [ cheers and applause ] and thursday dana carvey will be stopping by. my man, dana carvey. and we have music from magic and they're going to perform that song, "rude." you know that song? >> steve: which one? >> jimmy: ♪ why you wanna be so rude i'm gonna marry her anyway marry that girl and marry her anyway ♪ [ clapping ] something like that, right? yeah, i like that. thank you. [ rythmic clapping ] hot sax? hot sax! [ rythmic clapping ] ♪
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♪ higgins! [ rythmic clapping ] ♪ ♪ >> steve: tariq! [ rhythmic clapping ] ♪ ♪ >> tariq: jamal! >> jimmy: come on! [ rhythmic clapping ] ♪ ♪ >> steve: oh. [ laughter ] is the reed broke? oh. [ audience aws ] oh no. [ sad music ] oh my god. ♪ [ sax struggles to play ] [ laughter ] [ hot sax continues ] [ rythmic clapping ]
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♪ ♪ >> jimmy: all right, that's it. i'll put it right down there and we'll play with it later. [ cheers and applause ] friday, liev schreiber is going to be on the show. gabriel iglesias is going to do some fun comedy. so, we got a great week. but tonight -- [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: tonight is the night. >> jimmy: tonight is what i'm talking about. we are so psyched that she is stopping by. a great actress whose new tv series is called "extant," it premieres tomorrow night. it's good. it's like sci-fi. it's freaky, it's fun. halle berry is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: halle berry! come on. halle and i are going to talk and then i'm going to challenge her to a big game of charades. [ audience ohs ] she said she's good. >> steve: she's good? >> jimmy: she said she's good at charades. and i was like -- [ laughter ] >> steve: really? that's what you did? >> jimmy: and she guessed it. >> steve: she guessed it? she said, "you're okay"? >> jimmy: you're okay? no, i meant "i don't care" is
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what i was just doing. >> steve: oh, really? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's not going to be an easy game at all. also, he's great on "glee" and this guy, man, oh, man. i can't -- i wish i had the book out here. he's written these books. this is his fourth he's written. he writes books now. and it's like the third in the series, it's a best seller in books, "land of stories" series is what these things are. chris colfer is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] love the guy. talented. plus, you can't beat our band tonight. you can't beat this. they made it their network tv debut when we did "late night" in 2012. and since then they've become one of the most popular groups in all of music. we're so excited to have them here. florida georgia line is going to perform. >> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they're just great. they're going to play their new single "dirt" on tv for the first time. it was just released today and it's already number one on itunes. [ cheers and applause ] hitting homers. guys, it's time to look at the stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for pros and cons. here we go. ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons
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and pros ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight, we will be taking a look at the pros and cons of owning a pot store. [ laughter ] as of today, you can now legally buy marijuana in washington state. [ cheers and applause ] anyone here from washington? anyone here wish they were in washington? [ cheers and applause ] all right, let's take a look at these. questlove. [ audience aws ] let's take a look at the pros and cons of owning a pot store. here we go. pro, you can make millions selling weed. con, you can make trillions selling funyuns. [ laughter ] that's good stuff. >> steve: after market. >> jimmy: a pro, getting a lot of repeat customers. con, mostly because they forgot they were just in your store five minutes ago. [ laughter ] "i think i need some weed, man." "did you check your right pocket?" "oh, yeah, thanks." [ laughter ] pro, putting up a sign that says "no shirt, no shoes, no service." con, immediately going out of business. [ laughter ] you got to know your clientele. >> steve: gotta know your customers. >> jimmy: pro, stores in
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washington expect people to buy over ten pounds of weed today. con, or as snoop dogg calls that "tuesday." [ laughter ] he cut back a little. >> steve: yeah, he cut back a a little bit. >> jimmy: he's cutting back. pro, seattle's gone all out to promote the new pot stores. con, the space needle now looks like this -- [ laughter ] ah, it's beautiful. pro, the customer is always right. con, your customers are always "all right, all right, all right." [ laughter and applause ] little mcconaughey, right? [ applause ] >> jimmy: pro, depositing your profits at the bank at the end of the week. con, realizing you just shoved all your money into the taco bell drive-through window. [ laughter ] it's going to end up there anyway. >> steve: still profit, right? >> jimmy: going to end up there anyway. [ cheers and applause ] pro, studies have shown that marijuana use can actually have some positive effects. con, like making "american ninja warrior" watchable. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] there he is. he's gonna climb a rope. ah, he did it. and there he did it. [ laughter ] he is going to try to -- i don't think he's going to be able to jump over that.
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oh, wait he's doing it. no, he did it, yep. he did it. [ laughter ] there's no way he's going to open -- oh, he opened the door. there it is. he is -- we're crowning the fifth -- [ laughter ] >> steve: he is the fifth man ever to do that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the fifth american ninja warrior. >> steve: to successfully open that door. walk past the swinging punching bag. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, not on this show. that's a different show. that's exciting. this show, there's no swinging punching bag. he just doesn't walk through the door. and he becomes the "american ninja warrior." [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: let's see if he can do it. >> jimmy: and he did it, fantastic. congratulations. [ laughter ] now, john, am i right? is there the boxing glove punching me? >> steve: nope. >> jimmy: nothing? >> steve: no, he's just going to walk right through that door. he's got to open it up first. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] >> steve: that's the trouble with a lot of it. because you hit the door, it's
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not a magical door, it's not like -- station nine and three quarters. >> jimmy: he just has to climb the rope, jump over the gap and then go through the door. >> steve: open through the door, sure. and then he's proclaimed -- >> both: "american ninja warrior." [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: amazing. [ applause ] legalize it! and finally, pro, it's the best thing to happen business owners since sliced bread. con, it's the best thing to happen to stoners since sliced bread covered with peanut butter and jelly, fluff, cheetos, gummy bears, doritos, and whatever else is in the cabinet. that's our pros and cons. we'll be right back with halle berry! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ nobody ever stomped their foot and asked for less. there's a reason it's called an "all you can eat" buffet... and not a "have just a little" buffet. because what we all really want is more. that's why verizon is giving you even more. now, for a limited time, get more data! 1 gb of bonus data every month with every new smartphone or upgrade.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest this evening is an academy award winning actress, who stars in a a big new series called "extant," which premiers tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m. over on cbs. please welcome a very talented actress. say hello to halle berry, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: thank you for coming on the show. >> thank you. i'm so happy to be here. >> jimmy: oh please. i'm happy you're here. i just saw the most beautiful baby. maceo? >> maceo, yes. >> jimmy: how old is he? >> he is nine months. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> should we arrange the marriage now? >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. with my baby? >> he'll be with an older woman. >> jimmy: my baby is 11 months. yeah. so he's into older women? >> i think he will be. >> jimmy: i mean, is it a grind doing the tv show and having the baby as well because -- >> it is. and i know you know. television is a lot harder -- >> jimmy: it is, right? >> -- than i ever thought. i thought, "oh, i'm going to do television so i could be with my kids more." i never see my daughter. >> jimmy: it's like, you have to hang out -- >> like, they come to the set. our life is on the show, together. and it's fine. luckily, we have jobs where we can do that. but it's a grind. yeah. >> jimmy: it's so different. every guest that we have on that's movies and then they go
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over to tv -- they just think it's going to be easy. and they're like, it is so long. the hours are crazy. >> the guilt's on us. >> jimmy: exactly, right? and this thing is a giant production, this new show. >> yes. >> jimmy: i'm very excited about it. this is a -- steven spielberg is involved with this somehow, right? >> yeah, he's the executive producer. with this genre of sci-fi, nobody does it better than steven spielberg. >> jimmy: oh yeah. no, no, no. you don't mess around. that guy -- [ cheers ] everything he touches, i go -- yeah, he is the best at it. >> and what's good about him is he takes sci-fi but he adds heart into it, you know, like "et" and "a.i." he brings the emotion and the complexity of the characters into the world of sci-fi. which i think is his signature. >> jimmy: and it's a cool -- the premise is amazing. we'll get to the premise. but it's also shot beautifully, and it looks almost like -- it looks like a movie. >> yeah. well, that was our hope, is to bring movie quality work to television. and if we could do that, we would feel really successful. so that's always been our goal throughout this period. >> jimmy: tv is getting better and better and better now. >> you have to up your game on tv. >> jimmy: you really do. man, my tivo is packed. yeah, i mean --
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the premise of this is fantastic. can you tell me the premise again? >> well, the premise is -- i play an astronaut, molly woods, and i'm -- the show starts with me coming back from a year-long solo mission in space. >> jimmy: so you're in space for a year. >> all by myself. >> jimmy: solo. >> solo. >> jimmy: that's -- first of all, i'm scared all ready because that would drive me crazy. i'd freak out. >> and that's a complicated person. i mean, what woman leaves her husband and goes to space for one year by herself? so right away, i mean, she's a a little off. >> jimmy: she's a little -- yeah. >> so she goes to space and she comes home, and her husband -- >> how long were you in space? i'm sorry. >> 13 months. >> jimmy: so 13 months, you're in space. you come home. >> and her best friend, who is a doctor, tells her, "i have some news." what is that? "you're pregnant." and it's like, how can that be? >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. yeah, yeah, yeah. that's what i'm talking about. so you're up in space, alone -- [ laughter ] you come home -- >> pregnant. and no recollection, no memory of ever doing anything to get pregnant. [ laughter ] but somehow, true enough, very,
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very pregnant. >> jimmy: and so -- so it could be an alien baby? [ laughter ] i'm thinking some probing was going on. i don't know what was happening. aliens. i've never met an alien. [ applause ] but, no, this -- >> something was going on. >> jimmy: something, but no one knows what. and so -- i just -- so that's all we know. >> that's all we know. >> jimmy: and have you shot the end of the season yet, or not yet? >> we shoot the finale -- i start shooting tomorrow, when i go back. that's our -- >> jimmy: so do you know what's going to happen? >> i do. [ drum roll ] >> jimmy: wait. you do know what's going to happen? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i thought you weren't supposed to tell me that. >> i didn't tell you. i just said i know what happens. >> jimmy: i know. but you were supposed to say, "no, i don't even know what's going to happen." but now, i have to try to fish it out of you. >> i don't even know what's going to happen. >> jimmy: well, i saw your poker face. it is -- of course, it's an ex-boyfriend -- who stowed away. who was a stowaway -- stowaway on the ship. there's a stowaway on the -- there's -- [ laughter and applause ]
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the test was wrong. see, that's what i'm talking about right there. that's what i'm talking about. [ cheers and applause ] we have a clip. here's halle berry in her new series "extant," which premiers tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m. check this out. >> it's okay. >> okay. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what is he doing on the ship? it's a solo mission! >> i don't know! >> jimmy: that was a solo mission! who was that guy? >> never saw him before.
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>> jimmy: freaking me out already. freaking me out already. halle, should we show them how we roll? >> let's do it. >> jimmy: let's show them how we roll. [ cheers and applause ] all right. now, i promise. i'm not going to peek. i'm not going to look at anything. i promise. just trust me. i'm not. all right. all right. i peeked, i peeked. >> how come you're not looking? >> jimmy: no, i didn't. i didn't, i didn't. i'm not looking. all right, ready? you tell me when to go. >> okay. one, two, three, go. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's how we roll! halle berry and i are playing charades after the break. stick around, everybody!
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the quicksilver card from capital one. unlimited 1.5% cash back on everything you purchase, every day. don't settle for anything less. i'll keep asking. what's in your wallet? i'll keep asking. to prove a point about internet speeds, we slowed down an up escalator. why is this thing so slow? it's not moving like i don't get it, this one is working? can you move please? look how fast they're going ladies, shouldn't up be as fast as down? yeah your socks match? my socks match do your eyeballs match? yes shouldn't internet speeds match as well? definitely they should it's kind of a no brainer, right? yeah why can't everything just be the same speed?
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i got a little secret to tell you. cable does not match the speeds. it makes you wanna go mad. only verizon fios comes with speedmatch. upload speeds as fast as your download speeds. join now at fiosspeedmatch.com get a fios triple play atan amazing price guaranteed for two years when you sign up online. sign up now and get $300 back and as an extra bonus from verizon wireless a free lg tablet, or up to $200 off any tablet. go to fiosspeedmatch.com today! are you downloading what i'm uploading? call the verizon center for customers with disabilities at 800.974.6006 tty/v [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey, everybody! welcome back. i'm about to take on halle berry and our own steve higgins in a game of charades. but first, i need a partner. please welcome, one of the stars of "glee" and also a a best- selling author. say hello to chris colfer, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> good to see you again! >> jimmy: and higgins. you remember higgins? >> thank you! >> jimmy: be friendly now because now we're enemies. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: now, as you know, we're going to play charades. each player get a turn giving silent clues to their teammates. 45 seconds on the clock. we'll do four rounds worth one point each and the fifth round is the charades showdown. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: each team gets 1,036 points. >> steve: wow! [ laughter ] that's a lot of points. >> jimmy: it's a lot of points, yes. whoever wins that, wins the whole thing. all right. halle, won't you go first. you start us off. >> halle: okay. >> steve: team berry, ready to roll. team fall-on, you guys are over there. >> jimmy: it's fallon. >> steve: what's that? >> jimmy: it's fal -- [ audience shouting ] >> jimmy: neither. >> halle: oh, god. [ laughter ] okay. >> steve: all right. we got this. song. card. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: higgins. >> steve: five. five words. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> steve: oh, jiminy christmas. >> five words. >> jimmy: no, we're not -- >> steve: belly. pregnant. stomach. >> jimmy: what do you have when
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you have a stomach? >> steve: woman. you're a woman. you're a pregnant lady. you're a mother. you're a mother. mother! ooh! mother. you talk. sing. mother sing. mother -- grab. mother -- chit char -- punch. mother. [ laughter ] no, not. stop! mother -- talk. mother. [ laughter ] mother puncher. mother punch. mother hit. stop. >> jimmy: mother puncher? [ laughter ] >> steve: mother belly? smuckers jelly! [ buzzer ] [ audience moans ] >> steve: what was it? what was it? >> halle: mama said knock you out! >> jimmy: oh! >> steve: i'm sorry. that's on me. [ cheers and applause ] >> halle: good job. >> jimmy: mother puncher. how can that remotely be mother puncher? >> steve: i don't know! i was in the moment! [ audience shouting ] >> jimmy: which one? >> steve: 11! 11! 11! oh. >> jimmy: okay. >> steve: caberet!
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>> it's a movie, okay. three words. first word. the. okay. [ laughter ] second word. tie. coat. change. change. wardrobe. clothes. change, strip! strip! take a -- [ cheers ] reveal! strip! bare. third word. gun. "the naked gun." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to jump up and down? you're up, higgins. at one point -- because bennie's a gun. i'm like, bennie's a gun? well, i'm into kid's books now so -- [ indistinct shouting ] >> jimmy: aha! >> uh-oh. this doesn't look good. >> jimmy: it looks easy, yeah.
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[ laughter and applause ] [ clears throat ] >> steve: ready? >> both: yes. >> halle: song? okay. >> steve: general idea. >> jimmy: wait. what? [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers ] >> halle: swing low. two words. second word. >> jimmy: no! don't do it. >> halle: butt? swing your-- swing your butt? [ laughter ] basketball, bounce. basketball? ball. >> steve: mm-hmm. >> halle: swing ball? one -- first word. second word's ball. first word. [ laughter ] fight -- fight ball? beat ball? smash ball. smashing ball? [ buzzer ] no! [ audience moans ] >> jimmy: that was really close. wrecking ball. >> halle: what is it?
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>> steve: ♪ wrecking ball [ applause ] >> jimmy: that was great. that was good. [ cheers ] you got to see the video. >> halle: oh! my fault. >> jimmy: all right. we're in the lead. >> halle: a losing team. it's okay. [ indistinct shouting ] >> oh, no. okay, okay. [ laughter and applause ] okay. okay, wait. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: okay, you're okay. >> okay, okay. so, okay. >> jimmy: song? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: yep. five words? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: third word. heart. love. love. >> mm-hmm. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: first word. chris? boy. boy? fifth word. me? jimmy. me. you. you? >> uh-huh. uh-huh. >> jimmy: i can't make you love
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me? >> no. close. this is how you love me? >> i don't want to -- >> jimmy: oh my god! >> steve: hey, hey! [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers ] >> jimmy: "i'll make love to you!" >> yes! yes! ♪ >> jimmy: i'll make love to you! i'll make love to you! [ cheers and applause ] i just screamed "i'll make love to you" to chris colfer. at the top of my lungs. all right, now, halle this is the big -- here we go. it's me and you. you can win, you can come back. >> halle: i can come back? okay. >> jimmy: this one's worth 1,036. all right, which one do we choose? [ audience shouting ] >> jimmy: four. all right. now, we both do this at the same time. if our partner guesses, we win. >> steve: titanic! >> halle: ugh. >> jimmy: i didn't -- [ laughter ] >> halle: and we do it just both -- you say both? >> jimmy: yeah, both. yeah. we do both. >> okay. >> jimmy: ready? ready? together. all right, ready? >> steve: movie. >> movie. uh-huh. book. >> steve: little word. if. it. the. >> the small? >> steve: of. of. of! >> small?
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>> steve: up! >> tiny? miniature? >> steve: little, little, little. "stuart little"! >> the little -- the little -- [ cheers ] >> steve: little lady. little hot. >> "the little women." >> jimmy: yes! we did it! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: little women? what was it? >> jimmy: the champs! "little women!" >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: our thanks to steve higgins, halle berry, chris colfer. "extant" premieres tomorrow night at nine. you gotta watch that show. more of the "tonight show" after the break. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ great rates for great rides.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is the golden globe winning star of "glee," not to mention a a best-selling author. as i said earlier, his new book, right there -- "the land of stories: a grimm warning" is in stores today. please welcome back chris colfer, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'll --
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i'll make love to you! >> i will too! >> jimmy: yeah, great. [ laughter ] i can't believe you have -- look at this. this is an actual book. you write these -- this is a real book. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's not like a a celebrity book that's, like, not a real book. >> yeah, no! and i write every book myself. i write every word. >> jimmy: well, you must have time since you been fired from "glee." >> right, right. [ audience oohs ] i would have some time. >> jimmy: yeah. what happened with that? what is that about? >> well, my twitter got hacked, and it sucked! >> jimmy: how would that happen? they found out your password or something? >> no! i think it was like a hacker or some kind of, like, software program. that's what i think. >> jimmy: yeah, good, and -- where were you when you found out? what did they say exactly? >> well, i was on a plane coming back from london and -- with no wifi, so it definitely wasn't me. and as soon as the plane landed, my cell phone just exploded. and i got texts from -- well, who i call, lovingly, the ambulance brigade. >> jimmy: the ambulance brigade? >> they're five people who only message me when there's -- when something terrible has happened. >> jimmy: yeah, i know those people.
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>> so whenever i know -- whenever i see messages from all five of them, i know something's wrong. >> jimmy: yeah, something happened. >> so i got the heads up from the ambulance brigade. and then, i figured out my twitter had been hacked. >> jimmy: and what did the twitter thing -- what did the tweet say? >> it said something along the lines of i had been fired from "glee" and an explanation would come later. >> jimmy: wow! everyone started talking about that. >> it couldn't even be something cool. like, like, like -- you know, i grew a third arm or i don't know. something. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. that would've been kind of fun, if you did that. but it wasn't that at all. >> no, no. yeah. >> jimmy: yeah but -- so you're still on "glee"? >> i'm still on "glee." >> jimmy: i'm so happy you're still on "glee." good, we love that. [ cheers and applause ] we love the show. we love you. >> thank you. thank you. yes. >> jimmy: you were telling me backstage -- because sometimes, you said, you thought it might have been y >> uh-h >> jimmy: when -- sometimes you sleep, and you do things in your sleep. you sleep shop. >> i have crazy sleeping habits. ever since i was a kid, i've always had these crazy sleep issues. so when i landed and saw it, i was like, "oh, crap! was it me? did i do it while i was asleep
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on the plane?" but there was no wifi, so it definitely wasn't me. >> jimmy: no truth to that at all. but you said to me earlier that you sleep shop. and i just nodded. and i said, "yeah," and i walked away. and then i go, "what the hell was he talking about?" [ laughter ] what does that mean, sleep shop? >> well, it means -- i used to take this pill to help me sleep. and then, i guess when i was asleep, i'd take out my ipad and i'd just start shopping. and these packages kept showing up at my house. and i was like, "oh, my god! identity fraud or something." but then i'd look up the history in my ipad. "oh, nope. i bought this." and the things that i would get were just crazy. like, i got like a full marie antoinette portrait. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how would you even find that? >> i -- it came! i did! it's -- >> jimmy: marie antoinette portrait. >> yeah, it's in my bathroom. it's a great conversation piece. [ laughter ] and, like, corkscrews that were shaped suggestively. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what is going on? how would you -- >> i don't know. >> jimmy: -- find that? wait. it was like dirty corkscrews and a marie antoinette? >> yeah, it was -- i mean, they kind of work together. >> jimmy: but it's kind of fun, i guess. because then you --
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it almost like christmas. >> it is, yeah. >> jimmy: you go, "what is this present?" and when you open it up and you go, "i always wanted this." [ laughter ] a filthy corkscrew. this is fantastic! now, you're on a book signing tour now. congratulations on these. >> thank you so much! >> jimmy: i'm so happy. this is the third in the series. >> third in the series. yes. >> jimmy: that's just amazing. and so you're going up and you sign books all day long, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: it's a long deal. >> yeah, it's long. i have 12 cities. >> jimmy: 12 cities? good for you. and then, you actually went to a book signing recently because you wanted to meet hillary clinton. >> yes! i tried -- because i know the people that work at "the grove" in los angeles because i do my signings there. so i called them and i said, "could you sneak me in so i could meet hillary clinton?" because you know, why not? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and little did i know there would be so much press there. and it literally made every single home page of every website ever. it was crazy. >> jimmy: what were they saying? >> well, she had, like, this face when we met. i don't know if you guys had the picture. >> jimmy: i do have it, and i have to ask you about this. what did you say to her to frighten her? [ laughter ] i don't know.
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she's frightened. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she's -- what did you shock her with? >> well, apparently, she's a a huge -- >> jimmy: were you describing a a corkscrew or something? [ laughter ] >> i was trying to get her to say "i'll make love to you." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she was like, "no! i'm not gonna say that!" >> yeah. no, she was being very polite. but everyone made it out to be that she was this huge "glee" fan, which -- i don't think hillary clinton's a "glee" fan. >> jimmy: no, no. so she was almost like -- maybe she was like, "i don't know you." >> maybe, maybe. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, she clearly knows you because there's the professional, happy -- >> yeah, she's very nice. >> jimmy: aw. much happier there. that's good. [ applause ] >> yeah, good. my family's mad at me, though. >> jimmy: your family -- >> my family is very conservative, so they're upset that i went. and grandma doesn't know. >> jimmy: oh. grandma? oh, well it's too late to tell -- grandma, lower -- lower the volume. grandma, change the channel. dude, congrats on these books, and congrats on everything. and i'm so happy you're still on "glee." >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: we love you, buddy. you're a good man. [ cheers and applause ] chris colfer. check out "the land of stories: a grimm warning" in stores now. florida george line performs next!
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it's great! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh, no, you can't open that. please choose one based on the cover. here we go... whoa, no test rides allowed. i can't show you the inside, but trust me. are you kidding me... at university of phoenix, we think you should be able to try before you buy. that's why we offer students new to college a risk-free period. so you commit to your education with confidence. get started at phoenixtrial.com guess the mcmuffin doesn'tthe think hashbrowns matter.
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it's ok, hashbrowns... ...we still love you. the new am crunchwrap from taco bell. eggs, bacon, cheese, plus a very meaningful hash brown inside. wrapped and grilled to go. [bong] wrapped and grilled to go. remind me to tell her happy anniversary. [ cortana ] next time you talk to caroline, i'll remind you. [ siri ] oh no, i cannot do that. oh, and remind me to get roses when i'm near any flower shop. sure thing. remind you when you get to flower shop. i can't do that either. cortana, it's gonna be a great night. [ beep ] oh wow! thanks for the traffic alert. i better get going. now that is a smart phone. ♪ oh, wait ♪ it's 'cause you make me smile ♪ ♪ oh, wait years of swedish experience in in perfecting the rich,150 never bitter taste of gevalia. we do it all for this very experience. that's good. i know right? gevalia.
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and we're new to the pacific northwest. the rain, the mud -- babam! it's there. the outside comes in. it's kinda nasty so you start the towel-mop shuffle. where are you sun?! [ doorbell rings ] oh, wow, it's a swiffer wetjet. this puts my towel mopping to shame. whoa! ewww. sunshine is overrated, now we can get messy. [ laughs ]
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guests are a a massively, massively successful duo who are here tonight to play their new single "dirt" on tv for the very first time.
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we love them. it was just released today and it's already number one on itunes. please welcome, florida georgia line! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ you get your hands in it plant your roots in it dusty head lights dance with your boots in it ♪ ♪ you write her name on it spin your tires on it build your corn field whiskey bonfires on it ♪ ♪ you bet your life on it it's that elm shade red rust clay you grew up on
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that plowed up ground ♪ ♪ that your dad damned his luck on that post game party field you circle up on ♪ ♪ and when it rains you get stuck on drift a cloud back behind county roads ♪ ♪ that you run up and mud on her jeans that she peeled off and hung up ♪ ♪ her blue eyed summer time smile looks so good that it hurts makes you wanna build ♪ ♪ a 10 percent down white picket fence house on this dirt you've mixed some ♪ ♪ sweat with it taken a shovel to it you've stuck some crosses and some painted ♪ ♪ goal posts through it you know you came from it ♪ ♪ and some day you'll return to this elm shade red rust clay you grew up on ♪ ♪ that plowed up ground that your dad damned his luck on that post game party field ♪
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♪ you circle up on and when it rains you get stuck on drift a cloud back ♪ ♪ behind county roads that you run up and mud on her jeans that she peeled off ♪ ♪ and hung up her blue eyed summer time smile looks so good ♪ ♪ that it hurts makes you wanna build a 10 percent down white picket fence ♪ ♪ house on this dirt you know you came from it and some day ♪ ♪ you'll return to this elm shade red rust clay you grew up on that plowed up ground ♪ ♪ that your dad damned his luck on that post game party field you circle up on ♪ ♪ and when it rains you get stuck on drift a cloud back behind county roads ♪
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♪ that you run up and mud on her jeans that she peeled off and hung up ♪ ♪ her blue eyed summer time smile looks so good that it hurts makes you wanna build ♪ ♪ a 10 percent down white picket fence house on this dirt makes you wanna build ♪ ♪ a 10 percent down white picket fence house on this dirt ♪ ♪ you know you came from it and some day you'll return to it ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. that's what i'm talking about right there! good to see you guys. florida georgia line! "dirt" is available right now. look for their new album out this fall. we'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ]
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this is garthen leslie, a regular guy who invented aros. a very smart air conditioner that learns your habits to save you money. this is ben kaufman, the ceo of quirky. he's rubbing garthen's regular-guy feet because garthen is far more important than ben. at quirky, real people invent all of our products. ben just runs the company. introducing aros from quirky and g.e. products invented by real people like you.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to halle berry, chris colfer. florida georgia line once again! oh, man. and the roots, right there, ladies and gentlemen. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow! buh-bye! thank you! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- clive owen. sarah paulson. music from chase rice.

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